so like the rest of the world i am a netflix subscriber. at first i resisted the whole netflix thing mostly because i’m one of those own it not rent it types. we see how well this worked out with men, btw. anyway, i really hated blockbuster because just like with the library i never return things on time so i invariably rack up late fees grossly disproportionate to the value of the object borrowed. i was recently shocked to discover that i owed over $100 to the los angeles public library for a burroughs paperback (the soft machine) which i didn’t even finish, because i kept getting sidetracked on the 12th page.
i also resisted netflix because, to be blunt, i really can’t say i’m the biggest movie buff. at least, not the way i am about music. i rarely see first run movies, mostly because i think most hollywood movies are crap. when i read the reviews for hollywood movies i pretty much want to vomit. i have no desire to see romantic comedies, or the sex in the city movie, or spiderman, or superman, or rattatouie. the last three things i saw in a theater were man on wire, volver, and that movie about the indian kid which i can’t remember the name of anymore.
and it’s not that i have anything against going to movies. it’s just that it’s expensive and usually a huge let down.
prior to netflix i began collecting a collection of movies along the lines of my favorite genres. i think these say a lot about me. basically, what i like to watch falls into these categories:
classics 2001, taxi driver, repo man, sunset boulevard, etc.
foreign bergman, truffault, herzog, antonioni, fellini, tarr, etc.
comedies spinal tap, office space, airplane!, young frankenstein, monty python & the holy grail, grey gardens, withnail & i, etc.
film noirmost of the classics
zombie from sean of the dead to b movies
music not as much as i ought to.
i quickly realized that i did not really want to amass a huge movie collection, when i bought a movie for $20 (“red”) that i didn’t want to watch again. i think i gave it to my mother. however, i was irritated. unlike music, which i can and will listen to again and again and again, i really don’t want to watch most movies repeatedly. the exceptions are movies like spinal tap, repo man, taxi driver, and a few others. but it really chapped my hide to pay $20 for a supposedly great movie which, imhbco, was just ok. that’s when i got netflix and started using it to cull out which of these supposedly great movies (because hello, “red” makes a number of best of lists) are really pretty lousy.
anyway i’ll admit right off the bat that i am a hard sell, movie wise. i don’t think most movies are funny. i find most movies boring. i think plots are obvious, and i cannot willingly suspend my disbelief. the things that other people find cute, i find idiotic. the things most find romantic, i find to be drivel. give me a black and white movie with death and a lot of rain, and now we’re talking.

so here is my movie review of a few movies i have seen on netflix.
the last tango in paris
i loved this movie. snaps to the maxxx and i do mean x. for those of you in the dark, this movie is famous for two things. being rated x, and marlon brando acting out a buttery buttsex scene with his female costar, who sports a bush so big it should have been put in a botanical garden. now, i know that that was the thing back then but i swear they could trim that thing to look like mickey mouse. in fact it’s so big that i don’t know why the movie was rated x, there was absolutely no way you could see any vag because of it.
anyway so here’s your spoiler so if you’re going to rent the movie LOOK AWAY. chick with huge rack and even bigger bush has anonymous sex with a middle aged guy (he’s supposed to be 46 but apparently they didn’t take care of themselves back then because, dude, i swear he looks at least 56) whose wife (who was kinda a nutball, having an affair with a guy she dressed like her husband) just killed herself. so these two start having this fling in this garret (attic) apartment in paris, and it gets kinky at times. when he decides to tell her about himself, she kills him. moral of the story: if you are a woman, get a bikini wax. if you are a man, do not tell women anything about yourself, they will shoot you.

this really was their last tango
dig!
this was the movie made about the “rivalry” between the brian jonestown massacre and the dandy warhols. i actually went to the show at the troubadour where anton had his acoustic meltdown (back in 98) so i was most interested to see the movie.

i give this one about three stars. it’s ok, but not nearly as entertaining (and sad) as ….
you’re gonna miss me
which is about roky (pronounced ROCKY) erikson, and the 13th floor elevators. i knew most of the back story before seeing the movie, but actually seeing it was both enlightening, sobering, and sad. roky’s mom, evelyn, would fit right in at grey gardens. she is one cracked up lady. she makes all sorts of objects d’art, pastes stuff on cardboard, and even drew up her divorce petition in calligraphy (nice touch). roky is seen living in a house where he turns on every single electric thing that’ll make noise, as noise comforts him. during her guardianship she wouldn’t take him to doctors, as she believes in holistic treatment, although it wasn’t clear what treatment he was getting at all. eventually his brother sumner took over his care, and he looked a little better but for the love of god, the whole thing just made me think of wesley willis and daniel johnston. in other words, it was just sad.

swingers
so i upgraded my package to unlimited internet instant watching and totally took advantage of this today and watched swingers which i had never seen before. i know, me bad. my only criticism of this hilarious movie is that certain parts of it sounded like a name dropping list of every “hip” spot in la. i mean, c’mon. three clubs. the dresden room. the [now defunct] derby. roscoe’s chicken and waffles. in n’ out burger. seriously, if some out of towner had to come up with a list of places to go to, he would just have to carefully watch that movie and hit up those spots.
anyway i thought it was very, very funny, even though it violates my i hate romantic movies thing.

wild strawberries
yeah this is a bergman movies. black and white, depressing. not nearly as depressing as the seventh seal of course, where death is an actual character.
personally, this is a chicken shit watered down seventh seal. i mean, you want to make a movie about someone confronting mortality? that’s the seventh seal. this is like, blah blah, old man yadda yadda, some flash backs which are sort of obvious. it drags on and is really slow. i mean, is it good? it’s not bad. but it’s the same thing as the seventh seal, less interesting like.

lost in translation
this movie bored me. other than the soundtrack, which, obviously, was fantastic, i was bored. i mean…. bored american girl in japanese hotel. bored american man in japanese hotel. bored american woman watching bored people in movie.

the next movie on my list i’ve actually already seen, which is network. i have something like 150 movies on my list. most are culled from lists of film classes and critics and whatnot but i am happy to take recommendations. i am most looking forward to setting aside a weekend to watch bela tarr’s saga “satantango” which is 9 hours long and features a scene of cows crossing through a village for over an hour. it has been called “the most sarcastic movie ever made.”