those of you who are my close personal friends know two things about me. i love to cook and entertain for my friends and loved ones, and my kitchen sucks. my kitchen has always sucked, if one actually wants to cook and entertain. it’s fine for one or two people, or for the type of person who eats frozen meals, but not for someone who likes to have twenty people over for easter and makes her own yogurt. parenthetically, the two sisters who lived in this house from its construction in 1927 to 1997 subsisted primarily on cocktails and salted peanuts, from what i’ve gathered from neighbors. every afternoon promptly at 4 pm they would make their way to a spot in the back yard under the flowering potato vine, drink manhattans, and fondly recall the orgies which took place in the back yard back in the 1930’s. i’d like to think that’s why the garden is so lush.
at any rate, when i moved in, the kitchen was obviously high on the list of things i wanted to change. however, a kitchen remodel is spendy and so really that just had to wait until some other things fell into place. things like becoming the sole owner of said kitchen.
a year ago, plans in hand and my polish uncle visiting, we undertook Step One of the remodel, knocking out the wall between the kitchen and the laundry room. the former configuration never made any sense, and made for a cramped kitchen with no counter space, 2 drawers, and stuck the fridge in a corner where you couldn’t open the door all the way. the laundry room was, by comparison, a spacious room.
anyway, so a year ago we knocked out the wall between the two rooms which made for one big room, which was just great if you ignored the gaping left in the floor where the old wall used to be. this year i figured i’d save up (because i’m doing this on a cash-only basis) and take the next step, which involved jettisoning the old washer / dryer and the fridge, and getting one of those fancy stackable w/d sets, and a fancy new fridge. this would, in turn, free up the entire wall where the old fridge sat. you’ll see pictures.
so after researching appliances for well over a year, i determined that everything you read was pretty much bullshit and that buying appliances was something of a roll of the dice. i walked into home despot two weeks ago and picked out somethings on sale that weren’t too much and that was pretty much it. you’ll see pictures.
lest you think i purchased these appliances just to have new ones, this is not true. my old fridge was suffering from the advanced stages of emphysema, and had blown its gaskets more than once. the ice maker broke 8 years ago. i don’t want to tell you about the mold but i just did. there was nothing wrong with the w/d, other than they shook the house like a 7.5 earthquake when they operated, but until i got a stackable set, i could go no further with the remodel. it was time to bite the bullet.
i was filled with nervous delight the day the guys showed up to haul my old appliances away and install the new ones. the delight changed to a mixture of chagrin and disgust when the guy told me that despite its total inability to make ice for nearly a decade, the old piece of shit fridge had been hooked up to the water the whole time. oh rilly? well then why couldn’t i get a goddamn ice cube since 2001? anyway he asked me if there was a water shut off for it. i’ll be honest. water shut offs are the bane of my existence. they’re never around when you need them. like when water is shooting 20 feet into the air when a sprinkler pipe is pierced, or when the bathtub faucet is leaking. anyway i crawled into the aptly named crawlspace to look for the shutoff but did not locate it. luckily, i also did not locate any rats, or jimmy hoffa.
so the day turned into something of an appliance fiasco. the old fridge could not be disconnected. the new washer could not be connected. the new dryer could not be stacked on top of the new washer because i didn’t buy the stacking kit i didn’t know i needed. the only upside is that i found two pairs of cossabella thongs behind the old washer. given the cost of cossabella underwear, this probably offset how much the plumber was going to charge me.
ah yes… the plumber. if you are in the los angeles area, i highly recommend lucas plumbing. these guys donate to kxlu and request songs all the time, which is how i heard of them. when they arrived i was still in my robe so i threw on an old einstürzende neubauten tshirt to move my car. by sheer coincidence, one of the guys has an e.n. tattoo on his leg! kismet. we played old school punk rock as they put in a new clean out and did other plumber type stuff, at the end of which i was all hooked up.
i have to add that the fridge was, prior to that, working. the first night i went and checked on it three times to make sure it was working as i was worried that something had happened to it, it was so quiet. i considered getting a baby monitor. here is a picture of the new fridge.
silent fridge, holy fridge
i admit that now i’m totally anal about the cleanliness and order of the interior. unlike the last fridge, which was treated in a completely nonchalant and dare i say even disrespectful manner, this fridge will look like one of those old clinque ads i used to dig [you know what i'm talking about? with the perfect bathroom cabinet?].
today was the big test. today i was going to wash something in the washer. because the dryer is not hooked up, it had so be something which did not require drying. luckily, i had just the thing. a silk drape my cat zasu had had diarrhea on just a few days earlier. and to think that at the time i was angry! there’s always a silver lining, people.
in order to wash something, i had to do something i really hate. read instructions. this machine has way too many options. it claims that it needs a special cycle for “baby” clothes. really? why? are their separate cycles for all age groups? it doesn’t say so. then i saw that there is a cycle for “heavily soiled underwear” which i assumed must be the old age cycle.
there wasn’t a specific cycle for “old cat shit on drape” so i had to use my best judgment. i set the controls to heavily soiled delicates and hoped for the best.
this washing machine makes all sorts of chiming soothing noises at various times, but other than the sound of water entering the machine, does not otherwise make a sound. i sat in front of it and stared at it like it was a discovery channel program. it was fascinating.
hello? hello? is this thing on??
at the conclusion of the washing, the machine bleeped out some little tune. i have to say i was confused, because i’d also gotten a rice maker recently and the chime is very similar so i didn’t know if the washing machine was done with the drapes, or had just made some rice.
i am pleased to say — no, ecstatic — that the drape is perfectly clean. huzzah! modern technology at work! this is why we send men to the moon, people.
while the machine was silently washing the drape i was erecting the shelf and putting stuff up in the corner. the Plan calls for cabinets, a pantry, and the range to be here, but… i’m not made of money, people. between then and now are a lot of bag lunches.
visible signs of progress
one thing that i do want to do this year, and asap if possible, is rip up and get rid of the old saltillo tile floor and put in a basalt floor. if you are ever tempted to put in a saltillo tile floor in your kitchen, all i have to say to you is for the love of god, don’t do it. i effing hate that floor. i took a hammer and chisel to it myself, but unfortunately it’s set in concrete. it is the floor that always looks dirty and you will never get clean. it is revolting. also, right now, there are pieces missing.
saltillo tile - the devil's choice of flooring materials
i know my readers are just as excited as i am about the small step for mankind but great leap for me taken in my kitchen remodel. just humor me and maybe you’ll get some home made marmalade for christmas.*
*delivery not assured for “christmas”.
