haiku movie review
the brown bunny
vincent gallo
so boring
gets head from a ghost
the birth of a nation
blacks in charge?
kkk good?
what the fuck.
don juan (or if don juan was a woman)
brigitte bardot
heartless harlot
that said, nice rack for almost 40
the hunger
vampire bowie
so old
sarandon gets laid by deneuve
blue
my soul is drifting drifting drifting
i remember nothing
of this movie
the politics of bullshit
i continue to not own a tv and therefore i have to say that i did not see the republican debate last night or any of the herman cain interviews where he vilifies women the women he sexually harassed. but i do have these pointers for these guys.
dear rick perry,
i know you think that after sarah palin there is a certain segment of american society perfectly willing to vote for a reasonably attractive idiot who can shoot a gun. fair enough and undoubtedly true. but if i were to give you one piece of advice, it’s to lay off the whatever you’re taking before debates. you just look like a complete jack ass. and maybe you are, and maybe i really do get a kick out of watching you making a complete jack ass out of yourself, but as part of my dalai lama inspired compassion, i’m just putting this out there – no drugs before debating.
dear herman cain,
i don’t know whether or not you actually did sexually harass a couple (or more) women in the 1990′s (or whenever). but really that’s besides the point, to me. what i find distasteful is that you and your hired guns are threatening women who may come forward. i am repulsed that you are smearing the women who made complaints, even those with whom the National Restaurant Association settled.
really? is this what you’re about?
if you are innocent and did absolutely nothing to provoke these complaints, then you can just say so and stick to your guns. tell your side of the story and let people decide for themselves. but this tactic of threaten and smear seems to me the kind of thing borne out of desperation and guilt.
also, if you want women to vote for you, you might want to lay off the demeaning “princess” comments about the former speaker of the house.
a day in the life
so yesterday i went to the dmv to get my license renewed, as it expired on my 45th birthday (thus adding annoyance to depression). we can make “appointments” but i’ve found that most of the time it makes no difference whether you make an appointment or you stroll in, your day is wasted either way. nonetheless i checked online until the supposed wait time at the santa monica dmv office had dropped to a shocking 14 minutes and scrambled over there. an hour later (spent in line listening to all sorts of conversations i’d rather not hear and being amused by people’s circus-performer like garb) i finally got to speak to a clerk. who told me i could not renew my license, as it had been suspended since 2008.
although i feigned complete shock, this was sorta but not really news to me. i’d gotten some stuff in the mail but i thought i had taken care of whatever it was so didn’t think it was an issue any more. also i assumed that if your license expired or was suspended, it ought to do something like explode or disappear. or at least beep.
anyway she stamped my application with a big red X (not really…) and told me to get over to the court building nearby.*
*”nearby”, in los angeles, is a relative term. the location was only a few miles away and i was breezing along until i merged with santa monica at bundy and came to a dead halt. at that point “nearby” lost all meaning because it was just as easy (or difficult) to go three feet as it was three miles.
anyway i’d never been to this particular court building, which is apparently reserved for ne’er do wells such as myself in trouble with the administrative aspects of the Law. as if to make this obvious, the entire area was run down and derelict with tumbleweeds blowing through an empty parking lot. also, i’m not sure there was an actual judge in the building – it appeared to be run by low-level clerks, like czarist russia.
i went over to where i was supposed to go and waited in line. everyone else in line was there to discuss some aspect of their community service which they had effed up. a black girl in acid washed jeans was there to report that she finished her community service but debated why she had to pay the $25 court fee. another girl (i’m guessing she was a junkie) rambled on in a slurring confused voice about a “white piece of paper that had typing on it” which she’d lost. the newspaper? a lotto ticket? no one knew. another lady who looked just like one of those women who dress up as missionaries and solicit money for orphans in the philippines gave a long winded explanation about why she missed some court date because she had the croup or a rash.
finally it was my turn. i felt compelled to loudly explain that i was just trying to renew my license when i was informed that i had an outstanding ticket WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY A MISTAKE. the clerk sympathized as she reviewed my papers. this kind of thing happens all the time. then she said, “i’ll be right back” and left the area which made me break out into a cold sweat as i visualized a bunch of cops bursting through the doors to arrest me. luckily she just went to the printer to get a copy of the actual ticket which bore my actual signature which made the whole thing embarrassingly real. ohhhhh yessss it was starting to come back to me. back in january of 2008 a cop pulled me over right by my office for expired tags. i remember thinking he looked just like ponch from CHiPs. everything else is lost in the sands of time. did i lose the ticket? did i stuff it in a pile of Important Documents! Do Not Lose!! did one of the cats vomit on it, as zasu did to my 2009 tax return? who knows.
i was directed to another (much shorter) line where a girl who had more attitude than her shi#y job allows for told me i owed $706, or i could request a court date. as i did not want to spend even another minute in that building, much less return, i paid up and got out, brushing past a long line of delinquents paying their fines for whatever petty crimes they had committed with an air of superiority that comes solely from the ability to actually pay such a hefty ticket.
so basically four hours later i still had an expired (but not suspended!) license and i still have to go back to the dmv. this time i will come suitably fortified with a briefcase full of tranquilizers and comic books.
ps of all places which have security (the airport, courts) it would seem to me that the one place which really needs it is the dmv. more than anything i wanted to go all baader meinhof on them and demand my f#@king license NOW!
and now in sports
this may come as a shock to you, dear reader, but i don’t give a rat’s ass about sports. especially not college sports. being into sports is like being into reality tv shows or celebrity news — an utterly pointless exercise in living vicariously. but whatever, to each his own.
what i find truly bizarre is when people get so wrapped up in a sports team that they seem to lose all sense of reality, morality, and ethics. when actors, musicians, or football coaches are put on a pedestal as if being a winning football coach (or writing a hit song) somehow obviated the need to be a decent human being. as if behavior that wouldn’t be tolerated from a normal person should be accepted by a popular actress.
i’m not saying any of these people should be held to a higher standard. i’m saying who cares if joe paterno has won 409 football games. who cares that he’s contributed money to penn state. the koch brothers give a lot to their pet charities, too. big fucking deal.
the whole penn state molestation scandal is really simple, in my eyes. take a look at the time line of events. the university knew in 1998 that sandusky was behaving inappropriately with boys in football shower rooms. they investigated. sandusky admitted on tape to the misconduct. he admitted to it! so someone help me out. why wasn’t this reported to police or children and family services? why wasn’t he barred from campus entirely? why was he still operating a children’s “charity” till 2010?
and then there is the issue of what the legendary joe paterno knew and should have done. but before we get to that, take a look at penn state assistant coach mike mccreary, who says that in 2002 he saw sandusky raping a boy he believed was 10 in the penn state showers.
i’m just going to make a modest proposal here. if you see a crime being committed, call the police. and if someone tells you they saw a crime being committed, urge them to call the police.
why didn’t mccreary call the police? why didn’t paterno tell him to call the police? why didn’t any of these people do anything?
well, i’m just spit balling here but if mccreary had seen a janitor raping a boy, things would have been done differently. but since it was a lauded former football coach at penn state, it was blown off. and for joe paterno… well, the higher you get, the harder you fall. when you claim to be especially moral (like the boy scouts, or the catholic church), fail, and fail in a spectacular way, it just kind of makes your highly feted morality seem like so much hypocrisy and bullshit.
that and maybe football coaches really aren’t the gods some people make them out to be. [ps get a life, people.]
recipe o the day
this one goes out to my nephew who really liked this. dinner in 15 minutes! woot!
farfelle with asparagus
serves 2
first start a pot of salted water on high. turn on a second burner and put a sauce or frying pan on it. pour in a glug of olive oil. take a package of asparagus and snap off the bottom part of each (it’s tough and fibrous) and snap the remaining bits into pieces about 2″ long. throw all the asparagus into the pan with the olive oil and leave it alone. by now your water should be boiling. put in enough farfelle (bow tie) pasta for 2 (half a box). stir around, keep on high heat. check on asparagus – you want it to char. when charred on one side, turn them over. meanwhile, back at the ranch, grate about a fist full of parmesan cheese. the asparagus should be charred on both sides. add a ladle full of pasta water to the asparagus. let it cook away. add about 1/3 cup of cream to asparagus. don’t turn the heat down or move around. let the edges turn caramel, then add another ladle of water. stir. check pasta – should be done. drain pasta, add to asparagus, mix thoroughly, adding in the cheese. salt n peppa to taste.
you are done. fifteen minutes has passed since when you started. wasn’t that easy?
